Insane
by spottedhorse
Summary: It was insane, she knew. She'd met him at one of her parent's soirees a few months ago and had immediately been drawn to him. Yes, it was insane, this feeling of connection, of oneness with another. What was a girl to do?


Sometimes I just hunger for Andith. As I re-watched the paltry few episodes that include the Andith ship, I was struck at what an impact so few scenes made on all of us for there to be so many stories still floating about them. I do have a longer much more involved story in the works but other things keep distracting me, like this little piece here. I do hope you enjoy.

It is set in more modern times but it is Edith and Anthony so perhaps they still sound a little "old school".

* * *

It was insane, she knew. She'd met him at one of her parent's soirees a few months ago and had immediately been drawn to him. Of course, her sister Mary had taken over the evening and whisked him away, leaving her in the dust. She'd been to wrapped up in her own misery to notice the furtive glances he'd cast her way as Mary manipulated him farther and farther away, stroking his ego and playing to his masculine pride. Mary had done it for spite of course, just to prove to her that she was and always would be just the wallflower Crawley sister and Mary was capable of having any man she wanted.

Her misery had been fueled by his appearance a few weeks later to call on Mary. Mama had been glowing. But Mary had tired of the game and declined his invitation for a ride about the countryside in his new Mercedes. Edith, the awkward, gawky wallflower had seen an opportunity and went for it. "I don't suppose you'd take me?" she'd asked.

Much to her surprise and utter delight, he'd agreed. So the tall, incredibly handsome, older, much more experienced Anthony Strallan had spent the afternoon driving her around. It had been awkward at first. She knew he thought her incredibly young and she felt it when the drive began. Her open adoration of the man had to seem like she was still a school girl and quite childish, boring even to the more worldly gentleman. But then the topics of conversation turned away from local gossip and more toward politics and world events, things the young men she knew had little interest in but that he was a fount of information about. And she could easily see that he was impressed with her knowledge and awareness of the state of the world.

As the ride came to a close and he stopped the car in front of her family's far too huge castle-like home, he turned to her and smiled. "I've enjoyed the afternoon with you," he said. "Very much. Might we do it again?"

Oh, might we..., she thought with glee. "I would like that," she rejoined as her training dictated. Somehow she refrained from skipping with merriment from the car to the house. That night Edith dreamed of the very tall, very blonde man she'd spent her afternoon with.

Their next afternoon came only a few days later. Mary and Mama both were surprised when Sir Anthony appeared again, this time asking for Edith's company. Mama's slight frown of confusion wasn't lost on Edith, nor was Mary's glare. But neither mattered as Anthony walked her to his Roadster. He held the door for her and saw that she was comfortably settled before moving around to his side, bouncing in with an agility that surprised her. After all, her mother had suggested he was Papa's age. Papa never bounced.

The conversation picked up easily as he maneuvered through the narrow back roads of Yorkshire. They spoke good naturedly of some of the more humorous events of the last few days, with Edith even feeling comfortable enough to make a few jokes... and he laughed, he genuinely laughed. He'd finished his planned trip out and was looping around to head back toward Downton and Edith could feel the weight returning to her shoulders. Being with Anthony, the endless conversation and easy banter had made her feel so light and happy, but as they approached the boundaries of Downton, she grew quiet. And of course, he noticed.

Anthony pulled the car off the road and cut the engine. Then turning slightly to get a better look at her face, he seemed to study her for a moment. "What's wrong?" he finally asked.

"Nothing," she replied, startled that he would care. But seeing the doubting expression in his eyes, she knew she would tell him. "It's just... I enjoy this time with you so much. I feel so... well, like it isn't me."

He frowned in confusion and tilted his head. "Not you? Are you saying you've pretended to be someone else with me?"

"No, no actually I think I am more like who I am meant to be when I am with you. It's when I go home that the pretending happens."

Seemingly studying her again with brilliant blue eyes, Anthony took a deep breath. Then looking ahead, through the windscreen, he asked softly, "how old are you, Edith?"

"What?"

He turned to look at her again, the brightness in his eyes nearly taking her breath away. "I asked how old you are."

"Oh, I'm... um... twenty three." She knew the impact it would have on him; she was as young as he thought her to be. And he did grimace. "that young, eh?"

"How old did you think I am?"

"I... well, I had hoped a bit older, I think." He closed his eyes in some sort of secret anguish and dipped his head.

"Why? twenty three isn't... well, _that_ young," she said.

He smiled and then looked up at her, a quiet sadness in his eyes. "It is when you are my age."

"How old are you?"

"Old enough to know that what I want to do right now is wrong," he answered.

"What? Why? What is it you want to do?"

She saw the change in his expression, the darkening of his eyes and she knew. A wave of liquid heat surged through her as she watched his eyes focus on her lips. And something went thud in her stomach as his focus became more intense. "Just this," he whispered as he leaned over to capture her lips with his own.

Edith had been kissed before by a few boys, mostly young men of their set that she had grown up with. Their kisses had been awkward and sloppy and she was never sure what it was that she was to enjoy about them. She had never been kissed like this! His lips were soft and supple on hers... and warm and... there was no question in her mind about what there was to enjoy about being kissed by him.

Was it her imagination that the temperature in his open roadster had just risen substantially? And what about her rapid heartbeat? Or her sudden need to be close to him, very close to him? It was if some force had overtaken her body and was pushing her to him, her want of him growing with each second.

Anthony eased away from her slowly and for a moment only looked at her, his eyes scanning her face as if he was committing it to memory. He lifted his hand to her cheek and cradled her there, his thumb gently caressing. "Edith, what time do you have to be back?"

"I... I don't think it matters," she said breathlessly as she wondered what he might suggest.

"It's only that ... " he swallowed apprehensively, "I'm not quite ready to let you go, you see."

"What are you suggesting?" she asked, hoping he would want to spend the rest of the day and the evening with her... forever...

"Just that, well, Locksley is just over the next hill. And we might be more comfortable there, in my library, where ... if you'd like, I can kiss you more properly."

Free to think and speak with him as she never felt with anyone else, she let the words escape before she could think; "you want to kiss me improperly?"

He tensed and pulled away, taken aback. Staring through the windscreen again, he shook his head. "No, of course not. I just, in the car... it's awkward and someone might pass and... " Suddenly casting his eyes back toward her, "I want to hold you, Edith. I want to feel your warmth and God help me, I want to kiss you senseless. You're far too young for me to be suggesting these things; I'm your father's age for Christ's sake. But I've never met anyone like you; I've never felt so... connected to someone."

"I'd like to see your library," she said quietly. "I'd like that very much."

She hadn't actually really seen much of his library that day because the moment they walked into the room together, she'd found herself in his arms and he indeed had kissed her senseless. She would have given herself to him that afternoon in every way if he had allowed it. But he'd put a stop to things when they went just beyond his idea of proper. Reluctantly, she's let him take her home. She had wanted to stay with him; she would have stayed with him if he hadn't been so adamant. "If we're going to do this, Edith, we're going to do it suitably." "Stuffed shirt," she'd said challenging him. "Quite right," he'd countered before laying one last blood boiling kiss on her before taking her home.

Things progressed, despite her parent's bewilderment, which confused her because they'd been willing to push Mary at him. But no matter now. They spent many afternoons "driving" and he'd taken her to York to a concert and another time to a club so they could dance. It became clear very quickly that they had different ideas about how to dance, but it mattered little because both admitted they weren't really that good at it. She did learn to love slow dances, nestled in his arms as close together as publically allowed.

Today he'd brought her back to the library. He was trying to keep some distance between them, pointing out books she might enjoy and sharing the room's history. And she tried to pay attention, she really did. But as she watched him move around the room all she could think of was how incredibly handsome he was. And such a large man, tall and broad but lean. As he leaned over to hunt a book on a lower shelf, she noted the curve of his posterior and started to chuckle. The sound caught his attention and he straightened up and turned to look at her quizzically.

"I'm sorry, it's just... for all your length, your long torso and legs, you have an incredibly small bottom."

His mouth opened as he gaped at her, almost like a fish. "Sorry?"

She moved to him, snuggled up to him, and reached around to squeeze the object of her critique. "Not proportional at all."

His eyes lit mischievously as he wrapped his long arms around her and squeezed her bum. "Mmmm, no such complaint here." And then he kissed her. And she squeezed. And he kissed her again. She ran her hand up his back and then down again for another feel. Being a gentleman, Anthony returned the gesture. Which led to more kisses, which in turn led them to where they were now, in his bed.

He had undressed her with reverence. And it had been wondrous. But it was when she began to undress him that the real amazement began for her. Everything about him was long... and powerful. His arms, his legs, his chest, and... oh my god his..., she thought as she stared at his manhood, which left no doubt about his arousal.

Seeing her surprise as she surveyed him, Anthony trailed his fingers along her arm tenderly. "Edith, if this is too much... if you'd prefer not to..." She looked up at his face, "no, I want to. I want you, Anthony."

"There are other ways we could ... " he started to say. But she wouldn't listen. "I want this Anthony. It's just, I've never... this is my first..."

He tensed and pulled her into his arms. "Oh my sweet darling. I thought, I mean... so few young people wait these days that I assumed... We'll stop this now." He kissed the top of her head and then moved to get out of the bed. But she grabbed his hand and tugged. "Oh no we won't."

He looked at her in shock. "Edith, you... I... we can't, not if..."

"Who do you think I'm saving myself for, Anthony? I haven't had anyone... I haven't wanted anyone to... until now."

"But..."

"I don't want to hear any discussion about why we shouldn't... or can't. I _won't_ hear it. You can cooperate willingly or I can... make you," she said bravely, not really sure how she could make _that_ happen.

His head tilted back slightly as his eyes lit with the challenge. "You can make me?" he asked cheekily, a lopsided grin breaking across his face.

"Anthony, _please_... I know you think I'm young, too young for you anyway but I don't think about our age difference. I look at you and I see... I see the only person who really understands me and... and the man I love."

His eyes narrowed as the smile melted away. "You... love me?" His tone was incredulous.

"I do, I really do."

His lips were on hers before she realized. The kiss was deep and sensual and laden with emotion. When he broke it, he sighed deeply. "Oh my dearest darling Edith," he whispered, "I never imagined..." He kissed her again, tenderly and reverently. And then more whispered words. "I hoped, dreamed really that you might... care for me in some small way."

"You did?"

"Yes, because you see, I've come to care for you so very much... love you. But I never dared dream you could love me." Much to her chagrin, he seemed to have second or perhaps third thoughts about what they were doing. "I... I don't want to..." his eyes closes again. Anthony dipped his head, his long fingers trailing down her arm to her hand where he stroked the back of it. "I don't want this to be some..." his eyes opened. "I've never been one to ... to have quick dalliances and then disappear. Being with you, Edith; it has to mean something. It does mean something for me. But I wonder if it will be the same for you?" His eyes were boring into her now, asking questions and seeking answers. "Could you possibly care for me this way in the long term?"

She studied his face and saw the longing... and the fear. "I... I've never felt this way about anyone, Anthony. I have no experience with this... this feeling. All I can tell you is that I do know I love you and right now, in this moment, I can't think of anything better than being here with you."

"I'll want to marry you, Edith; I do want to marry you... with or without this...today."

She looked at him, stunned. "You... what?"

"Marry me. I know it is ridiculous for me to ask, very wrong what with the differences in our ages but... you're all I can think of Edith. I don't want to take you home to your parents; I want you here with me, at Locksley, all the time."

"Oh yes, I want that too. And I don't think about our difference in age; not at all."

"Are you sure that in time it won't be a bother? I'm fit enough now but in another ten years time, I'll... well the age difference will show even more."

"I don't care. What I feel about you has nothing to do with age; in fact, I think what we have together is rather ageless. Don't you?" He looked at her so tenderly, with such love that she had no doubts at all.

And so here she was in Anthony's bed and he made love to her. And the things she felt at each caress, each kiss were so very new and thrilling to her. But even more exhilarating was the power she felt she had over him. The very large, giant of a man really, handsome Anthony seemed to melt at her touch and tremble with her kisses. And as frightened as she was at her first time to sleep with a man, she was also uplifted by the way he gave into her, letting her see him at his most vulnerable. And so the heat between them grew until they became one and then as one combusted in the most wonderful explosion, far beyond anything she had ever imagined. And now they lay, cuddled into one another, hearts racing as their bodies calmed, and she was filled with the warmest, most delicious feelings ever.

There was no need for talk and in fact, words would only break the spell they seemed to be under. But touching, that was another matter. His fingers trailed the length of arm in a lazy, easy manner, contentment in every caress. And her fingers played lightly over his chest, the beat of his heart thrumming through her fingertips and creating a pleasant rhythm that reached deep into her soul. Yes, it was insane, this feeling of connection, of oneness with another. And to think that this wouldn't be the only afternoon like this; that they would have a lifetime of these moments. Absolutely insane and oh so very lovely.


End file.
